Why do I have problems with school (public or otherwise)? I think I've finally put my finger on it.
It is a supreme waste of time.
A class size of 30+ children, add to that behavior issues and learning disabilities, means that my children come home with too much homework and too many projects because it is not humanly possible to finish them during the SEVEN HOURS they are at school each day. And maybe even possibly worse is when they come home with no homework or projects and you wonder if they're being challenged (probably not).
When they come home from school, I want them! They're mine! I want them to do the extracurricular stuff to round them out. I want them to pull their weight with the housework. Plus, I want to enjoy them for a few hours without the hustling and bustling to get it all done. By the time they do get home, however, they're done! I certainly don't get their best selves - I get the leftovers.
When I help with the PTA, I find myself doubting that my hours spent planning holiday parties or decorating the teacher's door for Teacher Appreciation Week is really worthwhile. Where do I have the most impact? With my children. At home.
So I have our yearly conversation with the boys. "I'm thinking about homeschool again, what do you think?' A resounding, "YES!!" from the boys. Every single time. Even Connor said he'd rather have his mean mom for his teacher than Miss Mary whom he adores.
I wrestle. I don't sleep. I eat way too many sweets. I consult with Randy (who shakes his head and says I'm crazy town). I ask other moms of thriving homeschooled children. I google. I pray. This year I even had the boys make a pro/con list:
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| Bottom left corner says: don't have to chandge, pease, inside recces without coupon |
I scroll through my homeschooling friends' blogs and think what a magical childhood these kids get to have. They're not dealing with bullying, peer pressure, materialism, or profanity. They get to explore and learn within the confines of a safe and loving home. They can accomplish the daily curriculum before lunch, leaving time to read, practice piano, and earn merit badges with still enough time leftover to daydream. Sign me up!
Oh wait a minute, and this is the conclusion I come to every single year and why I end up choosing to send them to school.
Joshy thrives when he can remove himself from being the middle child in a house full of boys. Teacher Parent conferences are full of glowing reports. His grades are excellent. At home, it is a daily struggle for him to change his underwear.
Andrew would rather catch butterflies during recess than be surrounded by a group of friends. I have to nudge him to call a friend to come over. He needs a social setting. I'd like him to move out, marry and give me grandchildren someday.
I want to be their mom. Not so much their teacher. It is shortsighted and arrogant for me to think that I can replace the patience and training they get from their teachers. Not every year has been a good year for them, but we've been lucky to have phenomenal teachers most years. I have a finite amount of patience. I have homeschool mom friends that have a lot more and I admire them for it. When I'm honest with myself, I know that I am lacking and my children could suffer.
And then there's seminary, senior prom, dating, clubs, and being away from the watchful eye of their mom. Are these things important? Would I regret them not experiencing them? Maybe not. But maybe.
I'm glad I get to be their mom. I will be a refuge to them. I will love them no matter what their friends think of them. I will push them and influence them when they're with me and then let them have life experiences that I may never even get to know about.
Until next July.
